Why Does Sex Make My Partner So Happy?

Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist 

Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains the four pleasure chemicals and how to release them during sex and intimacy.

This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored support, please book in a session.

According to research, pleasurable sex and intimacy is good for our overall mood and mental wellbeing - here's why!

Why does sex make my partner so happy?

Have you ever wondered why you feel so happy after good sex? Or why certain experiences in the bedroom give you or your partner a lift in mood - sometimes for days later?

According to research, when we have a healthy, pleasurable and happy sex life, it has been proven that our mental heath and mood improves. Ever wondered why?

This is all linked to the four pleasure chemicals produced in our brain and body during intimacy.

What are the four pleasure chemicals?

Certain hormones and neurotransmitters that are responsible for making us feel good are released during different types of touch, intimacy, pleasure and orgasm.

In this article, we will be covering the 4 pleasure chemicals: serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.

Introducing... The 4 Pleasure Chemicals!

1. Serotonin

   Serotonin can also be known as the happy and sunshine chemical. It helps us feel relaxed, regulated, balanced, happy and present. Our brain produces serotonin during activities such as:

   • Getting outside in nature

   • Outdoor activities

   • Sunshine

   • Meditation and mindfulness

   • Exercise and running

   • A good nights sleep

Sex & intimacy suggestions:

• Lay down a blanket and have sex outdoors!

• Book an off-grid nature retreat for you and your partner

• Get back to basics with some mindful masturbation, self pleasure and self care

1. Dopamine

   Dopamine is a mood balancing chemical derived from pleasure or our day-to-day task completions. It helps motivate us to get things done, and rewards us for treating ourselves! (but it can also be quite addictive!)

   Activities outside of the bedroom such as eating delicious food, celebrations, listening to music, or dancing, can all generate dopamine. Even ticking a task off our to do list can trigger dopamine!

   
   

   Inside the bedroom, we receive dopamine from all forms of pleasure, such as:

   • Flirting and sexting

   • Indulgent massage nights

   • Sex to great music

   • Orgasms

   • Trying a new sex toy

   • Exploring a new kink/fantasy

   • Reading erotic fiction

   • Watching porn

   • Trying new forms of masturbation

1. Oxytocin

   Oxytocin is also known as the love and bonding chemical, and it is released during closeness or intimate touch. It helps us feel loved, safe, wanted and close to somebody.

   Some examples of oxytocin releases could be:

   • Cuddling pets

   • Holding a baby

   • A chat with a dear friend/partner

   • Getting a massage

   • Sensual touching

   • Quality time and quality touch

   • Deep kisses

   • Pleasurable sex

   • Orgasm

   
   

   Sex and intimacy suggestions:

   • Spend some time learning slow, quality mindful touch techniques - receiving a great full body erotic massage with a massage candle (from a lover or yourself!) is a sure fire way to get your oxytocin hit

1. Endorphins

   Endorphins serve as our pain and stress relief. They create a sense of euphoria, joy, balance and harmony in the brain and body. Endorphins are released from activities such as:

   • high intensity exercise

   • laughter

   • masturbation

   • sex

   • orgasms

   • eating dark chocolate

   • tapping into your creativity - eg music, crafts, art

Sex and intimacy suggestions:

• High energy sex - don't be afraid to get messy, loud and let go!

• Try a new sex toy

• Try edging

• Put on music

Why do I cry after intimacy?

Although a lift in mood is common, crying after sex is also more common than you might think - even when you've had a good experience. This can be a perplexing or upsetting experience for both partners.

Sex, pleasure and orgasm leads to many hormones and neurotransmitters being released within the brain and body - such as oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. While these can feel incredibly pleasurable and can lead to positive mood changes, sex might also trigger intense and fluctuating emotions which can lead to tears.

Orgasm in particular can actually cause your levels of dopamine and oxytocin to drop quickly afterwards. A severe drop in these hormones might lead to a mood crash and tearfulness.

It's why aftercare is such an important part of any sexual experience.

What next?

To learn about creative ways in the bedroom where you can release these pleasure chemicals, you may be interested in learning more about sensation play, power play, role play, erotic massage and trying new things in the bedroom.

Check out Pillow Play for more ideas, videos and activities, or get my Sensation Box for more ideas.

Just remember, whenever you're trying something new in the bedroom, talk about it first. Discuss things like your desires, boundaries, and safe words. That way, you can explore safely and have a great time together!

Best,

Alice x

Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.