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Tantric sex ideas for beginners

Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist

Sydney-based Somatic Sexologist and Sex & Intimacy Counsellor Alice Child gives her top tips for tantric sex - what it is and how to try it!

Tantric sex couple

This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored advice, please book in a session.

"An open mind will help you achieve deep connection and transformative orgasmic experiences. With time, arousal, and practice, tantric sex can lead to full body orgasms!"

This blog post goes into some of the basics of tantra and tantric sex, but if you want easy and fun tantric massage demonstrations, tantric sex games, and tantra for beginners videos and explainers, I recommend checking out my online course Pillow Play!

What is Tantra?

Put very simply, Tantra is an ancient Indian spiritual practice that dates back thousands of years. There are many different branches of Tantra including Buddhist and Hindu, each with their own traditions and practices.

Ancient tantric practices included visualisations, meditations, yoga, and breathwork, and with the help of a guru or teacher these practices were designed to help people achieve spiritual transformation.

The sexual element of tantra that we know today has evolved over time, and is often called 'neotantra'. It's a combination of spirituality, sexuality, mindfulness and sensuality.

What is tantric sex?

Tantric sex and tantric practices are often slow, and the focus is not always genital pleasure or to achieve orgasm. Instead, it’s about feeling an intense connection either to your partner or to yourself and building arousal and erotic energy in other ways.

This doesn't mean tantric sex isn't incredibly pleasurable, erotic, and orgasmic - tantric sex practices can lead to some of the most intense orgasmic experiences in the body! It's about changing your definition of what 'hot sex' might look and feel like. Hard & fast does not always mean better!

Tantric sex is often referred to as 'sacred sex' or 'sacred sexuality', but you don't have to be spiritual to enjoy the benefits of tantric sex practices, although having an open, non judgemental mind is essential!

An open mind will help you achieve deep interpersonal connection and transformative orgasmic experiences.

What are tantric sex practices?

Tantric sex practices include various elements, designed to enhance connection, arousal, sensitivity, and intense organic experiences.

These include; different tantric sex positions, tantric breathwork, tantric touch/tantric massage, making sounds, moving your body and eye contact. These all help to activate sexual energy, increase your sensitivity/arousal and deepen connection.

I will go into some of these here, along with how to try them at home!

1. Positions (Eg Yab Yum)

This is a fantastic Tantric sex position for beginners.

One partner sits cross-legged or with their legs out in front of them (they are the ‘base’) while the other sits on their lap with their ankles wrapped behind their partner's back (they are in the ‘held’ position).

This isn’t necessarily about penetration/genital stimulation (although it can be!) but instead see it as a position to build connection and intimacy. With time, if arousal builds, it can build into dry humping/ movement/genitial stimulation/penetration if you’re both open to seeing what builds!

tantric sex positions

You can vary the position in a number of ways:

  • Instead of the ‘held’ partner sitting on their partners lap you can also sit in front of them and still feel ‘held’ and supported

  • You can swap positions to see what it’s like being the ‘base’ / ‘held’. If you are in a heterosexual relationship, it’s wonderful as the woman to practice being the base and as the man to practice being ‘held’ - it really changes up the energy.

  • Use pillows to support you / make you comfortable

  • Try it clothed, in underwear or naked depending on your headspace.

    • Clothed: Leads to a very connective, affectionate, loving experience

    • In underwear: Increased skin on skin contact makes this more intimate and connected. The underwear creates a feeling of closeness but also denial (of genital touch/penetration) which can build arousal and anticipation

    • Naked: Even more intimate and connected, meaning it often builds more sexual energy and tension

This is also a great position to try some of the other practices below.

2. Tantric breathwork

Breath is at the heart of tantric practices for a reason. It is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal when it comes to sex, pleasure and building arousal in our bodies.

With practice, it can be used as an 'erotic pump', deliberately and mindfully increasing or decreasing how aroused we feel. It also makes us feel grounded and safe, and awakens and regulates our nervous system to be able to feel more pleasure and connection.

How to try it:

Practice deep breathing together in the Yab Yum position, and breathe in sync. Inwards as one, outwards as one.

Imagine the energy from your breath is being sucked up your body from your genitals (aka Root Chakra in tantra) up to the top of your head (Crown Chakra), and as you exhale that energy flows back down and into your pelvis and genitals.

Visualize this energy/breath as a light moving around your bodies, circulating heat, energy and pleasure around your body.

This is called a Microcosmic Orbit breath. It can help to shut your eyes to help you feel this.

3. Eye gazing

The eyes are called the windows to the soul for a reason. Eye gazing is at the heart of tantric practices, as it deepens connection between two people.

When you gaze into each other’s eyes for 3 minutes or so, people often experience a range of emotions, and feel their emotions and bodies start to regulate and come into sync with each other.

How to try it:

Look into each other’s left eye, relax, smile, and savour the connection. If it feels too intense (for any reason) shut your eyes whenever you need to. This is not a staring competition!

If it feels awkward or uncomfortable (or one of you gets the giggles) know this is very normal! Push through the discomfort as on the other side is calm and deep connection.

Relax, smile, and enjoy. It can be wonderful to pair this with breathing together in sync.

4. Movement and tantric music

Movement is amazing for building arousal, and Yab Yum is a beautiful position to move in.

Music is also an amazing tool for helping people stay present, find a shared rhythm, and build arousal and connection. Try a Tantric Playlist to help you get started!

How to try it:

Put on a tantric playlist so you can move to the same rhythm.

Move together in circular motions, sway together, grind your hips/pelvis, and find a motion that works for you. If you want to, build intensity and arousal with grinding, dry humping, circling, and pelvic floor squeezes/releases. These sorts of movements help encourage blood flow and arousal to build.

5. Make Noise!

Making sounds of pleasure, relaxation, joy  and arousal together helps keep you present and turn you both on.

We live in a society where sexual sounds are often shamed or performative; porn in particular is often inauthentic and gendered where the women makes excessive sounds and men are all too silent.

Take the time here to really tune in to what is the authentic vocal expression of your pleasure.

How to try it:

Sigh, hum, moan! Make this authentic and pure to you! Enjoy the sounds of your partner and your own sounds mixing together.

6. Tantric touch/tantric massage 

A “tantric erotic massage’’ might sound intimidating, but really it's all about giving slow, mindful, sensual touch, and staying deeply present and connected.

Tantric massage is how people learn to achieve full bodied orgasms - because we see the entire body as an erogenous zone - from the tips of the fingers to the lobes of the ears.

How to do it:

It helps to make it into a ritual - such as lighting some candles, warming up massage oil, and putting on tantric music. This helps you get into the right headspace.

It's all about taking your time, and letting arousal build slowly. Discover and explore the entire body. The longer you explore it, the more sensitive it will become and the more it will feel. With time, arousal, and practice, tantric massage and breathwork can even lead to full body orgasms!

To make this more likely, make sure as the receiver you don't just become a statue. Breathe, move your body (e.g., kegel squeezes, pelvic tilts), make sounds, and surrender your whole body into the experience. 

For more tips and demonstrations of tantric massage, come along to one of my tantra workshops or sign up for Pillow Play!

Good luck on your journey to sexual well-being!


Alice x

Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.

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