Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Sydney-based Somatic Sexologist and Sex & Intimacy Counsellor Alice Child explains sexual edging, why it makes orgasms stronger, and how to give it a go.
This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored advice, please book in a session.
Edging is revving the engine on your orgasm. It builds anticipation, helps you stay more present and makes orgasms stronger and more satisfying.
What is sexual edging?
Edging is simply the practice of getting almost to orgasm, and then stopping the touch, changing the stimulation or using deep breaths to lower our arousal or come away from the edge. We are literally getting ourselves right to the edge of the peak of pleasure, and then purposefully walking ourselves back from the edge.
You can do this as many times as you like before eventually letting yourself orgasm (or deciding not to orgasm at all!)
What's happening in the body during sexual edging?
You are essentially revving the engine on your orgasm.
Edging builds up your anticipation, gives your genitals more time to become aroused/engorged, helps you stay more present and in your body, and increases the neurotransmitters and pleasure chemicals that are being released throughout your body.
Can edging lead to stronger orgasms?
Absolutely! It is an amazing technique to make orgasms feel stronger, more satisfying, and more pleasurable.
What are the other benefits of edging?
As well as feeling great, edging is also teaching you how to listen to your body, be more aware of your own ‘arousal spectrum’ and how to increase or decrease arousal when you want to.
When we learn how to mindfully come down from the edge of orgasm, this can also help with concerns such as premature ejaculation, erectile difficulties and difficulty orgasming.
What techniques do you teach people to lower their arousal?
There are a number of ways you can decrease your arousal when you feel you are ‘at the edge’!’
Remove touch completely
Slow down / make the touch less intense - eg turn down the setting on the vibrator, change your stroke/grip
Touch other parts of your body / spread the energy somewhere else
Slow deep breathing or ‘square’ breaths
Making a loud noise on the exhale - eg a sigh / hum- helps diffuse some of the energy
Move your body - eg have a shake
Change position
Tense and release your kegels (pelvic floor muscles)
Visualize the sexual energy leaving your genitals
How do you try it alone or with a partner?
1. Set the scene: Make the environment as sexy and sensual as possible. Get whatever lube, toys and erotic tools that usually help you reach orgasm or higher levels of arousal.
2. Chat about it beforehand: If you're doing this with a partner, chat about how many edges you want to try, who is being edged (or if you both want a go!), and what toys/stimulation work best for each of you to build you to your edge.
If this is your first time practicing edging, start with just one or two ‘edges’ each! Agree on a word that you will say when you have reached your ‘edge’ and would like stimulation to stop so you can come back down.
3. Give it a go! Do whatever feels good. Connect, play, touch. Start with some of the things you usually enjoy, and build arousal in your bodies. Take your time (arousal can take time to build!)
When you feel relaxed and aroused, take turns playing with getting to the ‘edge’ and coming back down. Communicate with your partner as you go and enjoy!
4. Increase the difficulty: If you want to become a master of your own orgasms and have even more control, you can increase the difficulty over time.
Easy: Edge at a 6/10 aroused (not 9/10!) - lower arousal by removing touch/stimulation all together and do deep square breaths
Moderate: Edge at a 7/10 or 8/10 - lower arousal by slowing down your touch/stimulation and do deep square breaths
Expert: Edge at 9/10 - lower arousal with breath and visualization alone!
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.