Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Sydney-based Somatic Sexologist and Sex & Intimacy Counsellor Alice Child explains the many benefits of vibrators and how to find the perfect match for your body.
Let's talk about sex toys! 💥💫
First, let's ditch some myths about sex toys and vibrators that I hear all the time:
1. "Vibrators aren’t normal" - Says who?! Over 80% of women and people with vulvas in the USA now say they own a vibrator.
2. "Vibrators are only for women" - Wrong again! Vibrators feel great on all bodies (there are so many places to explore!)
3. "Vibrators desensitise you" - Nope! Vibrators don't desensitise your nerve endings. However, just like with any erotic tool, sex position or type of stimulation, you can become more reliant on them to build arousal. So make sure you use them in addition to other types of stimulation - eg your hands! Variety is key.
4. "Only single people use vibrators" - Why!? Vibrators are great alone and with a partner.
5. "Getting a vibrator means sex with my partner is bad" - Not at all. Novelty and newness are huge aphrodisiacs, and adding new toys, fantasies, and ideas into the bedroom is a fun part of a healthy sex life.
What are the benefits of getting a vibrator?
💥Difficulty orgasming
Did you know that between 70-90% of women and vulva owners don't reach orgasm with internal stimulation or penetration alone? That’s why learning how to give yourself and/or your partner great external clitoral stimulation during sex is so important.
And although my first recommendations for people struggling with orgasm are always taking your time, learning pleasure anatomy, trying mindful masturbation and booking in a sex coaching session, adding a sex toy like a vibrator can really mix things up and give you the helping hand you need.
💥Performance Anxiety`
Lots of people get nervous during sex which can lead to challenges such as premature ejaculation, difficulty orgasming / faking orgasms, or erectile difficulties. It's always helpful to remove the pressure of 'performance', and remember that sex is many things - great sex doesn't need to end in orgasm or have penetration of any kind.
Having toys in the bedside drawer removes the pressure that a lot of people put on themselves. Plus, certain toys can help make erections easier to get or maintain (eg cock rings & strokers).
💥New sensations and learning new types of pleasure/ orgasm
Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and can really expand the different kinds of pleasure your body is capable of. Some places (eg the G-spot and the prostate) can be harder to reach without certain shaped toys. Plus, some types of orgasm (eg g-spot) or multiple orgasms might be easier to reach with the help of a toy.
💥Reduced sensation or painful sex
Vibrators can be really helpful for people who are experiencing reduced sensation for any reason. Plus, many people who experience painful sex use an external vibrator to help them build arousal without fear of penetration and pain. Remember, sex should never be painful, so if you're struggling please consider booking in a session.
💥Trying new things
Vibrators and sex toys in general are a great way to bring more fun, novelty, and newness into your sex life. Explore your whole body and enjoy this new sensation. You might be surprised what you discover!
Remember - your whole body is an erogenous zone and there are endless ways of feeling pleasure and achieving orgasms - not just those caused by genital stimulation. People can have orgasms from nipple play, erotic massage, when they are asleep, or even (with practice!) from tantric breathing.
Vibrators are just one tool to use when exploring your body's capacity for pleasure.
How do I find the best vibrator for me?
It’s 2023, and the sex-tech industry is booming. It’s incredibly exciting to see so many beautiful, powerful, and innovative products hitting the market every year. With so many great options out there, I have outlined some of my (tried and tested!) favourite styles and brands.
From the perfect first vibe to ones you that double up as beautiful jewellery, there is something for everyone. If you need more advice, book in a session.
Perfect for: Your first vibrator
🌟 Bullet: A bullet vibrator is a great external vibe for direct clitoral stimulation. They are small, discreet, and can be very powerful despite their size. They come in all sorts of shapes, materials, and sizes, but the classic one is small and metal and looks a bit like a bullet - hence the name! They often have a few vibration speeds and are great to use alone or with a partner.
Perfect for: Those wanting to explore their G-spot
🌟 G-Spot: A great diverse option. The shape of these curved toys allows you to stimulate your G-Spot internally, but can also be used externally like a bullet. Look out for a curved tip or bulbous end - this is the perfect shape for great G-spot (or G-crest) stimulation.
The G-spot is not really a ‘spot’ but more of an area of sensitivity on the upper inside wall of your vagina. When you are feeling aroused, it can be extremely pleasurable to touch and stimulate, although not for everybody! Some people find direct stimulation here a bit uncomfortable, so it’s important to explore and work out what feels great for you.
If you’re not sure where your G-spot is, simply place your fingers inside your vagina and stroke upwards towards your belly button in a ‘come here motion. Everyone’s G-spot is positioned in a slightly different place. Just like our faces, our genitals are all different! So enjoy a little exploration to work out where yours might be. It could be right inside the vaginal opening or could be as far back as 2-3 inches inside. You can usually only feel it when you're already really turned on.
That’s why a toy like this one is great for exploring where exactly stimulation feels best for your body.
Perfect for: Those wanting blended orgasms
🌟 Rabbit: The rabbit vibrator is an Icon for a reason. Its two-pronged shape allows for stimulation outside on the head of the clitoris while also being inserted for internal pleasure against the g spot. What this means is you are effectively stimulating the clitoris inside (via the vagina) and on the outside at the same time, leading to some very powerful orgasms.
This combination of penetrative orgasm and external orgasm is what’s sometimes called a ‘blended orgasm.’
Perfect for: Those wanting strong vibes
🌟 Wand: Wands offer amazingly powerful mains-powered vibrations on a wider surface area. This means you can get deep vibrations that make your entire pelvic region feel incredible. These are great for massage anywhere on the body but are especially great for deep clitoral orgasms.
Perfect for: Everyone!
🌟 Luddi: Unlike anything else I've seen so far. The Luddi by Ziggy is a customisable vibrator that can be used as a dildo, a vibrator, an anal toy, and a penis stroker.
It's made out of super soft silicon, and wedges between two bodies for great hands free vibration on the clitoris. It can be sat on, grinded against, or inserted.
Perfect for: P in V penetration
🌟 Cock-ring: Amazing hands-free stimulation that feels great for both partners. The vibrator sits on top of the shaft of the penis, meaning that during penis in vagina penetration the clitoris is stimulated by the vibrator during penetration. It is a great option for P in V sex, as it allows for hands-free external stimulation of the clitoris when the two people grind together. This means your hands are free for touching, stroking, or holding onto each other instead!
It also feels great for the man / penis owner, as it gives a nice feeling of tightness and fullness and can help with erectile difficulties.
Perfect for: Those who love oral sex
🌟 Air Technology: Not technically a vibrator, but this type of toy is so popular I couldn't miss it out! Incredible and powerful stimulation that replicates the feeling of oral sex with air pulses directed onto the head of the clitoris instead of vibration.
There are lots of different types out there - some that even have little moving ‘tongues’, which feel amazing, especially with lots of lube.
Perfect for: Those that want to spice up date night
🌟 Wearable: Discreet, beautiful, and amazingly powerful, this is the incredible "Vesper" necklace by Crave which I'm just obsessed with. It’s the beautiful, cheeky secret on any night out, and perfect for a quickie in the bathroom ;)
Perfect for: Anal play
🌟 Butt plugs and prostrate massagers: The anus is an incredible erogenous zone, and anal sex and anal play can lead to powerful, full-bodied orgasms. The great news? It's the only genital we all share!
B-vibe is a great company that sells butt plugs, prostrate massagers, and anal toys for people of all experiences, including ones that vibrate! If you've never tried anal sex or anal play before, I strongly recommend booking in a session to learn how to make it as pleasurable as possible.
Enjoy!
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.