Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Sydney-based Somatic Sexologist and Sex & Intimacy Counsellor Alice Child explains everything you need to know about pegging, how to do it, and why you should consider giving it a go.
This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored advice, please book in a session.
"Not only can it lead to life-changing, knee-shaking, full-bodied orgasmic experiences, but has the potential to unlock a whole new side to your sex life. "
Ah pegging. Such a misunderstood topic. Just like anal sex, it is shrouded by taboo and misinformation. “Not for me” you might be thinking. But hold on just one minute! This guide just might surprise you.
Although Reddit and and Urban Dictionary searches may tell you differently, pegging is one of the few sexual practices that can be enjoyed by anyone - regardless of gender, sex or sexuality. When both partners are into it it is an incredibly intimate and mind-blowingly pleasurable experience for everyone involved.
Plus, as is so often the case when trying new sexual activities - it comes with heaps of benefits. Not only can it lead to life-changing, knee-shaking, full-bodied orgasmic experiences, but has the potential to unlock a whole new side to your sex life.
Stay tuned as I’ve compiled everything you need to know about pegging; what it is, how to do it, common misconceptions, and how to give it a try yourself.
What is pegging?
Pegging is a sexual practice where somebody puts on a strap on dildo and uses it to pleasure and penetrate the anus of somebody else.
Who does pegging?
Although pegging is typically associated with a cis woman penetrating the anus of a cis man, everyone can give it go.
Have you heard that saying “Ideas are like assholes - everyone has one”!? Well assholes are the only genitals that we all share, and they are absolutely filled to the brim with pleasurable nerve endings, which can feel incredible when stimulated during anal play.
For penis owners, pegging also stimulates the prostate, leading to powerful prostate pleasure and orgasm.
What is the prostate and how to find it?
Often described as the ‘male g-spot’, the prostate is a walnut sized gland located inside the anus about two to three inches in on the front side of the body. If in doubt, if you insert a finger, think about pointing your finger towards the penis to find it. It is about one inch in diameter but, during arousal it swells and becomes firmer (making it easier to find!).
Similar to the vaginal G-spot, the prostate enjoys gentle but firm pressure, massage, direct repetitive stimulation and a come-hither motion. During ejaculation you can actually feel it contract and move as it releases prostatic fluid (a component of semen).
“Does pegging make me gay?”
Absolutely not. And this is one of the most common misconceptions - especially from straight cis men who are curious to give pegging or anal play a try.
Pegging and anal sex are sexual acts that do not change your sexuality. It can be done between a cis straight woman and a straight cis man (and by any combination of genders, sex, or sexual orientations!) Pegging is not just for men.
Sadly it is these homophobic and heteronormative views that make pegging and anal sex a taboo for many people. And while it can be easy enough to disregard these beliefs, the shame that often accompanies them is much harder to shake.
Sexual shame is a big reason why many people never try pegging or anal sex - even if they want to.
Is pegging painful?
Absolutely not. It’s time to get rid of the myth that anal sex is painful. Sex - of any kind - should never ever be painful. And this includes pegging and anal sex.
If you have experienced painful anal sex, it is likely because you were pushing your body faster than it was ready for (or going as hard and fast as we see in porn!). Pleasurable anal sex requires you to be really really relaxed. And this is something that you can’t fake by just relaxing your butt and praying everything will feel great.
This is because there are actually two sphincters in your anus. The external muscle can be controlled yourself (try it now by clenching and relaxing your butt), but the internal sphincter right inside cannot be consciously controlled. This muscle is controlled by your autonomic nervous system, and needs to feel calm, safe and relaxed in order to let anything go inside without contracting.
This is why any anal penetration - including pegging - takes lots of practice, lube, and patience. More on this below!
What are the benefits of pegging?
Now that we have disproved some of the common myths and misconceptions, let’s talk about the good stuff! There are many benefits of pegging, including:
Penetration for all:
At its heart, pegging is about subverting traditional power dynamics. In particular, challenging the notion that a man or penis owner is a penetrator and a woman or vulva owner is penetrated. Pegging gives everyone the chance to try and enjoy both roles.
Anal orgasms and pleasure:
Our anus’ have more pleasurable nerve endings than anywhere else on the human body - behind only the clitoris and the penis. Getting stimulated and penetrated anally can lead to extremely powerful anal orgasms which feel unlike orgasms of any other kind. They are often full-bodied, very powerful and very long lasting.
Prostrate Stimulation:
For men and penis-owners, pegging also stimulates the prostate which can also lead to incredibly powerful and full-bodied orgasms.
Empowering power dynamics:
Playing power and roles during sex can be a huge aphrodisiac, and can be extremely liberating and empowering.
Pegging enables couples to experience emotions such as power, control, trust, surrender, intimacy, and submission during sex, and this can be extremely erotic and fun. You might discover a whole new side to yourself!
No such thing as one-size-fits-all:
The great thing about dildos and strap ons is you can choose a size that works for your - and your partners - body. Not everyones vagina and anus are the same size, and pegging allows you to choose a toy that fits just right.
This is especially great for couples with a large size difference, or where P in V or P in A penetrative sex is difficult due to size.
Dildos and strap ons also mean you can start small and work up to bigger sizes as and when you feel ready.
Less pressure on erections:
As a society we put so much pressure on erections. Many penis owners struggle with performance anxiety, and most will experience erectile difficulty or ED at some point in their lifetime.
This can be for a huge number of physical, emotional or mental reasons. Strap ons and dildos can be a fantastic alternative.
How to try pegging for the first time
Communication and consent:
The most important factor when trying anything new sexually is clear communication and enthusiastic consent. Always check in with your own feelings about things before diving straight in, and make sure you have both spoken about your desires and boundaries ahead of trying anything new together.
If you feel unsure about pegging, go easy on yourself. There is still a lot of societal taboo, shame and misunderstanding that surrounds pegging. This shame can’t be shaken overnight, so take your time and never feel pressured to do anything just because your partner is really excited about it. Go at your own pace, and chat to your partner about what would help you find it both as sexy and as safe as possible
I would also recommend practicing using the traffic light system. Green means “this feels great please keep going:, orange means “it's feeling uncomfortable or I am reaching the edge of my comfort zone and I need things to change/slow down”, and red means “I need things to stop completely”.
Work your way up:
If you’re new to anal play don’t dive straight in with a huge strap on! Work your way up gradually, starting with a nice relaxing external bootie massage, and getting used to the sensation of anal stimulation and penetration with a small finger in the shower on your own.
Practice external anal stimulation, play and internal penetration gradually together, using smaller toys like butt plugs, fingers, anal beads, prostrate massagers or small narrow dildos.
Remember this should never feel painful, so don’t rush ahead before you - or your body - is ready for it.
Find the right tool for the job:
Theres nothing worse than starting a pegging session and having to constantly keep stopping to adjust your harness straps because it doesn’t fit properly. Do your research, measure yourself properly, and get the right (aha) tool for the job.
There are lots of different harness and dildos out there, so don’t be afraid to experiment until you find one that is just right for you.
Consider hygiene:
While it’s absolutely not necessary to douche in order to enjoy pegging or anal sex, it helps some people feel more comfortable. If it’s your first time, a simple bulb douche with warm water an hour or so before playing will be more than sufficient.
I’d also recommend putting a condom over the dildo for extra hygiene and ease with clean up. Never penetrate the vagina with a dildo that has been on or inside the anus.
Don’t start on the butt:
Arousal changes how things feel on the pain spectrum, so make sure everyone is nice and turned on BEFORE anything starts to penetrate them.
On a vuvla owner, ongoing clitoral stimulation is recommended, and on a penis owner penis stimulation feels amazing.
Use lots of lube:
Every single time you do anal play of any kind, have lots of great, high quality lube on hand.
If you are using a silicone toy or strap-on, remember to use water or oil based lubes as the silicone based ones can damage your toy. When it comes to anal play, more is more. Keep reapplying, and use a condom on the toy as that will also help keep it slippy.
Breathe:
Remember what I said about your nervous system and your internal anal sphincter needing to be really really relaxed?
Well one way to help achieve this is by really slow, deep breathing. Practice breathing all the way into your belly, and really slowly lengthen the exhale. Try it now for 10 breaths. By doing this you are regulating your nervous system, making your body feel calm, and therefore relaxing your anus. How do you feel now?
Encourage whoever is receiving to practice these nice deep breaths throughout, especially during the initial penetration.
Go slowly (especially at first!):
Don’t rush anything. Although porn makes it look like anus’ can take deep, fast, unexpected penetration immediately, these people have likely warmed up a lot first, or have far far more practice than you do!
To be really pleasurable and painless, always penetrate the anus really slowly, letting the body of the receiver invite you in. If you feel any resistance, don’t fight it and push the dildo further - this is when pain might occur. Instead just wait. Don’t leave the body quickly, and don’t push in further.
As soon as the body relaxes and feels safe, the receiver will be able to breathe deeply and ‘breathe you in’.
Remember to communicate constantly. Once pleasure starts to build in their body, they often start to enjoy faster, harder, and more intense penetration and stimulation, but always start slowwwww.
Position in control:
Choose a sex position that allows the receiver to be in control of the depth and the speed of the penetration. Being on all fours - aka doggy style - is a great example, as the receiver can simply ‘back up’ against the dildo at their own pace.
Encourage them to keep breathing deeply, and move against the strap on at their own pace. The ‘all fours’ doggy style position is also great as it means you can stroke and massage their butt, back and genitals while you stimulate them.
This not only feels amazing, but often helps people relax. Once you are sure they are relaxed and enjoying the sensation, you can start to thrust yourself!
Practice makes perfect:
If you have never been the penetrator before, you will soon realise how hard it is!! Getting the rhythm and the motion right takes time and practice, so start nice and slowly, and try different movements, speeds and pressure.
If you need a break you can gyrate or grind slowly and instead of intense thrusting use your hands to stroke other parts of their body.
Slow removal:
Just as you penetrated slowly, always remove the toy equally slowly. This is especially important if your partner had an intense or large orgasmic experience
Even if somebody calls red while receiving pegging, never rush and withdraw the dildo quickly.
This might lead to increased discomfort, shock or even pain. Instead communicate with your partner, reassure them that you are stopping, and that you are slowly moving out. Encourage them to breathe deeply as you do so.
Aftercare:
Many people can feel vulnerable after such an experience, especially those who have never experienced being penetrated before. Aftercare (a term from the BDSM community to describe the time and attention you give a partner after an intense sexual experience) helps ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable.
Ask each other what they need, and plan to have enough time afterwards so you don’t need to rush back to anything.
Debrief:
Whenever you try a new thing together, make sure you schedule time for a debrief. This might be immediately after, or it might be a few days later. Talk about:
What was hot? What was the highlight?
What was not? What didn’t work so well?
Will we do this again? If so, what are we curious about next time?
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.