Premature Ejaculation: 6 ways to Last Longer in Bed

Reviewed by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist 

Somatic Sexologist Alice Child talks about premature ejaculation and shares six top tips on how to last longer in the bedroom.

This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored support, please book in a session.

Sexual stamina is a skill. It takes time and practice, and it develops with patience, repetition and conscious awareness.

What is premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (PE) is when men or people with penises ejaculate and/or reach orgasm quicker than they would like during sex and/or masturbation.

People who experience PE might:

• feel 'out of control' when it comes to their orgasm/ejaculation (especially with a partner)

• find their orgasm/ejaculation takes them by surprise

• struggle to 'last longer' when they want to

• Struggle to lower their arousal or 'come off the edge' when they feel close to ejaculation

• get in their head or worry about their ejaculation timing

• experience performance anxiety and/or sexual anxiety

• feel disconnected from the physical sensations in their body

PE is one of the most common concerns I hear. There’s often so much pressure around “lasting longer” that it can get people so in their heads that it becomes difficult to stay present, relaxed, and actually enjoy the experience.

The good news is, if PE is negatively impacting your sex life, there are practical ways to improve sexual stamina, feel more in control, and become more present in your body. Here are 6 simple things to try.

But remember - being great in bed is not just about how long you last. It's about shared pleasure, connection, and presence.

What causes PE?

PE is very common, and many things can contribute to PE, including:

• Over sensitivity (eg after a surgery)

• High use of porn and/or fantasy during masturbation and self pleasure

• High friction masturbation (eg firm grip, not using lubricant)

• Disembodiment (eg using your mind to get aroused with fantasy/porn instead of the physical sensations of the body)

• A focus on "Quick-release" self pleasure that takes place in 1-2 minutes instead of slower, more mindful masturbation

• Sexual shame

• Performance anxiety

• Less sexual experience

• Taking an extended break from sexual activity / touch

How can I learn to last longer in bed?

Much of this comes down to regulating the nervous system, breath awareness, and sexual mindfulness.

Sexual stamina is a skill. It takes time and practice, and it develops with patience, repetition and conscious awareness. Practice makes perfect! Here are some things you can try:

1. Mindful masturbation

Mindful masturbation is about slowing things down and bringing conscious awareness to your self-pleasure and noticing how arousal builds in your body without rushing toward climax. It focuses on using embodiment tools such as breathe, touch, sound and movement to build arousal - not just your mind.

Many people masturbate is very habitual ways - building arousal to ejaculation mindlessly. Over time, habitual masturbation patterns can play a big role in premature ejaculation.

For example, using porn and fantasy for a quick release trains you how to go from zero to orgasm as quickly as possible, without feeling connected to the physical sensations of what arouses your body.

Practicing mindful masturbation can start to rewire old patterns, help you feel more connected to your physical sensations, and over time feel more in control of your arousal.

2. Edging

Another great addition to mindful masturbation is edging. This is when you bring yourself close to orgasm, then purposefully back off or slow down before you climax.

Think of it as arousal training. Rather than going from 0 to 10 (with 10 being ejaculation) as quickly as possible, you’re practising slowing down the climb.

Here’s how it works:

• Build your arousal to around a 5 out of 10

• Pause, reduce or remove the stimulation, and let your arousal drop down to a 3 or 4

• Once it settles, start again

• Repeat this once or twice each Mindful Masturbation session

  
  

Over time, you can increase the challenge, building to a 7, then a 9, before pulling back. This teaches your body and mind to better regulate arousal and to break the old “once I’m close, there’s no going back” pattern.

Edging also helps you become more familiar with your arousal curve and the subtle sensations that build toward climax, which makes it easier to stay present and in control during partnered sex.

3. Deep, slow breath

Your breath is one of the most powerful tools for holding and regulating intense sensations. When arousal builds quickly, many people unconsciously start breathing rapidly, shallowly, or even hold their breath, which speeds up the buildup to climax.

Instead, try slowing your exhale. A simple technique is square breathing:

• Inhale deeply for 3 counts

• Hold for 3 counts

• Exhale slowly for 3 counts

• Hold again for 3 counts

Long, slow exhales activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for relaxation and regulation. This helps your body stay calm and present, rather than getting swept away by sensation or pressure.

Practice this breath during self-pleasure and in everyday life. You can use it during everyday mindfulness, exercise, or moments of stress. The more familiar your body becomes with that breath pattern, the easier it will be when you need to use it during sex

4. Make noise

Making noises is a natural way for your body to release energy. Think about it: when we feel pain, we make noise. When exercising, we make noise. It’s the same with arousal.

Holding your breath and staying silent can create a “pressure cooker” effect that pushes you faster toward ejaculation and climaxing. Making noise helps release that tension and brings you out of your head and into the present moment.

Try it during mindful masturbation: sigh, moan, groan or any sounds that create vibration in the throat. Notice how it helps you relax, regulate sensations and release tension in your body.

5. Learn to relax your kegel muscles

Male Kegel exercises can be a valuable tool in overcoming premature ejaculation. These exercises target pelvic floor muscles, helping you learn how to relax the muscles during sex and overcome PE.

Here's an example of a kegel exercise you could try each day:

In a seated position, place your feet apart on the floor and let your lower jaw hang loose. Let your shoulders drop, and your belly relax. Take a breath, expanding your waist, and focus on letting the pelvic floor muscles between your sit downs soften. Repeat this breathing technique five times.

With time and practice, you can relax and soften your pelvic floor muscles during self pleasure and sex, which will help delay your ejaculation. If the exercises are performed correctly and regularly, you should notice improvements after four to six weeks.

6. Change up the touch

There’s nothing wrong with pausing or switching things up during sex to give your body time to come down from a high level of arousal.

If you feel yourself building toward climax too quickly, try:

• Slowing down or pull out

• Shift your touch and attention to another erogenous zone

• Kissing, touching, or connecting in other ways eg oral sex

• Change the rhythm, pressure or position

This isn’t “stopping”— this is pacing. It helps build a rhythm with peaks and valleys rather than one rapid climb.

Pausing doesn’t ruin the moment. In fact, it can help you last longer and enhance your partner’s experience. Most partners appreciate a lover who is present, tuned in, and intentional about extending the experience. All of that amazing variety builds connection, pleasure, and anticipation.

Great sex isn’t just about penetration. It’s about exploring different sensations, activities, and kinds of touch. So don’t be afraid to switch things up, slow down, or redirect attention. It gives your body time to relax and spread arousal throughout the whole experience.

This is also something to practice during self-pleasure and mindful masturbation: use lube, reduce grip strength, explore other areas of your body, or use a stroker.

A stroker is one of the best tools for practicing control and improving sexual stamina. It is fantastic for anyone experiencing premature ejaculation or performance anxiety during partnered sex. The more variety you add to your pleasure experiences, the more resilient and adaptable your arousal becomes during partnered sex.

Take the pressure off performance

It’s important to normalise this: sexual stamina is a skill. It takes time and practice, and it develops with patience, repetition and conscious awareness.

It's okay for orgasm to take you by surprise or to ejaculate faster than you would like. It doesn’t mean you have failed. In fact, orgasming quickly can sometimes be a superpower. It means your body is very sensitive and you’re able to experience deeper pleasure and intensity. It just takes a bit more consciousness and mindfulness to help regulate that arousal and extend the pleasure!

Remember: lasting longer isn’t about suppressing sensation or distracting yourself from pleasure. It’s about building the capacity to stay present and grounded in the middle of intense pleasure.

For tailored support and advice, book in a session with me!

Best,

Alice x

Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.