top of page

What is sensual touching and how to try it

Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist

Sydney-based Somatic Sexologist and Sex & Intimacy Counsellor Alice Child explains ‘sensual touching’ and it’s many benefits.

couple sensual touching

This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored advice, please book in a session.

"When we think less and slow down, we can feel more. Sensual touch heightens sensitivity and can lead to powerful orgasmic experiences."

When we remove any pressure, goal or expected outcome of erotic touch - such as orgasm, high arousal or erections, we end up learning so much more and often achieve even greater states of connection and orgasmic pleasure!

Sensual touching or mindful touch is a great way to slow down and get back to curiosity, newness and even deeper connection - without any of the pressure or goals!

What is sensual touching?

Sensual Touch is all about removing unhelpful goals - like orgasm, getting an erection or penetration - and instead focuses on savouring the journey not some predetermined “destination”.

When we remove the goal of things such as orgasm and erections, it removes this pressure. It allows us to stay present, be curious, try new things, and build pleasure at our own pace.

This often leads to even bigger, better, orgasmic experiences anyway! Sensual touching is a great example of slow sex or warm sex - a highly underrated form of sex. It can also play a large part in tantric sex practices.

What are the benefits of sensual touching?

There are many benefits of practicing more mindful and sensual touching.

1. Helps you stay present

Sensual touching or mindful touch is my number one tip for giving great erotic touch - because it teaches us how to stay present and in the moment (in your body, not in your head!)!

As the 'giver' of the touch it allows us to focus on slowing down, being curious and reading your partner's body language. As the 'receiver' it teaches us how to slow down, think less, and feel more. Think of it like sexy mindfulness!

Many people struggle to stay in the moment during sex due to a busy mind. Focusing on the five senses and what the body can actually feel, smell, taste and hear helps people stay present and in the lived experience.

After all, people who practice mindful masturbation find it easier to orgasm!

2. Mix up Routine Sex

Changing up sexual scripts that are habitual, routine, predictable and orgasm centred helps people stay more present and connected.

The biggest sexual habit is getting in your head and fixating on orgasm – whether it will happen, happen too quickly or too slowly or not at all. Sound familiar!?

This prevents people from being able to stay in the moment and focus on enjoying the current sensations and experiences. For more advice on mixing up routine sex check out the blog.

3. Slower can be better

The best piece of advice I was ever given when it came to erotic touch is half the speed… and then halve it again. Today’s society is obsessed with fast, quick, hard sex - because that’s what we see in porn and films. It’s also what people often do alone during masturbation, so they replicate the same fast movements during sex.

Although hard, fast, passionate sex can feel great, it’s not what we want every time. And fast is not always the route to incredible, explosive, orgasmic experiences.

Slow sex - you might be surprised to hear - can be even more intense.

4. More sensitivity

When we think less and slow down we can feel more. As a result activities such as sensual touch heighten sensitivity and often lead to powerful orgasmic experiences while maintaining a feeling of deep connection.

What’s the rush? Remember, arousal takes time to build in both the head and in the body. After all, it takes on average 20 minutes for the clitoris to become engorged. Take. Your. Time.

Sensual touching helps you slow down, relax and awaken the body, build anticipation, and reawaken sensation in places you might have thought had low sensitivity or were even numb.

5. Overcome concerns

This is a great technique to help overcome concerns such as erectile difficulties, difficulty orgasming, performance anxiety and mismatched libido.

It takes pressure off the table and instead focuses on what sex should be all about - pleasure, exploring and connection.

6. More orgasmic

I know I said it's about removing the goal of orgasm (and it is!) but that doesn't mean orgasms aren't welcome!

Orgasms are an important part of sex. After all, the orgasm gap is a big issue for women — 95% of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm during sex, compared to just 65% of heterosexual women. Ironically, things like sensual touching and removing the goal of orgasm is often a key to unlocking orgasm for people who struggle.

Removing the goal of orgasm removes pressure from both people, allows pleasure to build in its own time, and instead allows you to be curious about new possibilities.

7. Discover new Erogenous zones

Did you know that any part of your body can be an erogenous zone if you give it the right attention? In fact, sometimes we don’t even need touch to get turned on - just knowing somebody is NEAR that part of the body can be incredibly exciting and arousing. Many people can even reach orgasm without any touch at all - eg during sleep, or using breathwork or tantra!

It’s time we stopped thinking of genital touch and penetration as our only gateway to sexual pleasure. Sensual touching allows you to discover new parts of the body that respond well to pleasure when given the right attention.

Stimulate as many parts of the body as you can with your hands, mouth and body to give yourself and your partner the ultimate sexual experience. At the end of the day it’s all about maximum pleasure!

If you want more tips on sensual touching, erogenous zones, body mapping, mindful touch, or sensation play, check out Level 2 of Pillow Play - all about touch and bodies!


Alice x

Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.


bottom of page