Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains the benefits of talking dirty during sex, and gives her top tips for how to try it yourself without feeling awkward!
This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored advice, please book in a session.
When it comes to dirty talk, how you say it can be even more important than what you say.
What is dirty talk?
Talking about sex is one of the most important skills for a life of sexual happiness (both inside and outside the bedroom).
But not all sexual communication is dirty talk.
Dirty talk is talking in the moment with the explicit intention of building arousal, getting turned on and sharing desires. This can be in person or over text/phone (eg phone sex).
Before becoming a master of dirty talk, read this blog all about sexual communication.
What are the benefits of dirty talking with zero awkwardness?
Dirty talk is incredibly sexy—it keeps us in the moment, builds arousal, and adds a whole lot of fun to your sexual experiences. Dirty talk is great for:
Asking for what we want
Giving feedback
Getting consent
Checking in/communication
Turning each other on
Deepening your connection
Staying present (not in your head)
Why talking dirty so awkward?
Let’s face it—dirty talk can feel a little uncomfortable if you're not used to it!
Many people hold back because they’re afraid of feeling awkward, getting rejected, or saying something that doesn’t quite hit the mark. And if you don't have a lot of practice, finding your own authentic language can feel tricky.
And yes, there might be moments where you fumble or things come out a little awkwardly. But that’s completely normal!
Keep reading to discover tips and tricks to overcoming the awkwardness and embracing the art of dirty talk with confidence!
Tip 1: Ease Into It - Start Slow and Simple
If dirty talk is new to you, there's no need to jump straight into the deep end. Begin with subtle compliments or sensual observations. Saying something as simple as “You feel so good” or “I love the way you touch me” can set the tone without feeling forced.
Tip 2: Write it down
However, even that might be too much straight away. Why not start by immersing yourself in some steamy stories or audio? Reading or listening to erotic stories is a fantastic way to discover what kind of language gets you hot under the collar,
Try then writing down your own dirty stories or fantasies - this is a no-pressure way to explore your desires and hone your dirty talk skills in private.
Still feeling shy about saying it out loud? Start with sexting instead. This is a great starter place for turning your sexual fantasies into a reality. Plus, sending flirty or explicit messages throughout the day builds an incredible sex drive for when you are together. By the time you meet, you’ll both be buzzing with sexual attraction for each other , and the words will flow much more naturally.
Check out my 'erotic storytelling' worksheet in Pillow Play for some great journalling prompts and ideas to get your erotic creative juices flowing!
Tip 3: Use non-verbal sounds
Nothing is sexier than a well-timed moan, groan, or sigh. These non-verbal sounds can speak volumes, conveying your pleasure and excitement in ways that words sometimes can't.
Start by letting out a soft moan when something feels particularly good, or a deep sigh to express your satisfaction. Don’t be afraid to get a little louder as things heat up—your partner will likely find it incredibly arousing.
Tip 4: It's how you say it
When it comes to dirty talk, how you say something can be even more important than what you say. The way you say, “Mmm, I love the way you’re touching me,”can evoke entirely different reactions depending on the tone and attitude you bring to it.
So, don’t hesitate to play around with your voice until you find what feels most natural and true to you in the moment. Do you want to be:
Innocent and sweet?
A little bit naughty?
Dominant and in control?
Confident and slutty?
And don’t forget—your body language and eye contact are just as important. A lingering gaze, a sultry smile, or a soft touch can elevate your words, making the experience even more intense and electrifying.
Tip 5: Focus on the Moment: Let Your Senses Guide You
One of the easiest ways to dirty talk is by describing what’s happening in the moment.
For example, you might say, “I love the way your hands feel on my skin,” or “You’re driving me crazy with how good that feels.” You can also express what you want them to do next: “I want you to kiss me right there,” or “I need you closer.”
And don’t be shy about letting them know how much they’re turning you on—something like, “You’re making me so wet/hard,” can really amp up the intensity and lead to hot sex.
Let your senses be your guide, and speak from the heart (or other parts of your body!).
Tip 6: Laugh it Off: Embrace the Imperfections
It’s normal to feel a bit awkward at first, but remember that sex is supposed to be fun! If you stumble over your words or something comes out wrong, laugh it off.
Sharing a giggle can actually help break the tension and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
Tip 7: Try a Pillow Talk game
Playing one of my Pillow Play games is a really good way to help you loosen up and practice dirty talk in a really fun and safe way. Pillow Play is my sex and intimacy games for couples and are designed to help you try new things.
I recommend Game 5 - "Like That...But Sexier!". It’s so silly and fun, and allows you the chance to try your hand at dirty talk whilst removing the struggle. It's also super accessible because all you need is the printed sheet game!
Best,
Alice x
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.
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