Bondage For Beginners: How to Introduce Bondage Into The Bedroom
- MC
- May 6
- 8 min read
Reviewed by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains how to safely and enjoyably introduce bondage into the bedroom and shares some ideas to try.
This guide contains general advice only. All BDSM requires proper BDSM education from an educator - please book in a session.
Bondage isn't just about ropes and handcuffs - it's about trust, communication, and the thrilling exploration of power and surrender.
Bringing bondage or power play into the bedroom can add an exciting new layer of intimacy, arousal, excitement, and connection. It’s a playful way to explore trust, power dynamics, and heightened sensations.
Here’s how you can safely and enjoyably start incorporating bondage into your intimate life for those curious.
What is bondage?
Bondage is the 'B' is 'BDSM', and includes any erotic activity that consensually restrains or restricts somebodies movement or senses as a way of enhancing the experience.
For example:
Ankle ties
Using rope or shibari
Gags
Hoods that cover the eyes and/or face
Collars and leads
Spreader bards
noise cancelling headphones
Breath play
What is BDSM
Bondage is just one example of what people might enjoy when they say they enjoy BDSM of kinky sex.
BDSM literally stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
This doesn't mean that you have to be into every aspect of BDSM to still be 'kinky'. Everyone's experience with kink is unique, especially as people explore a variety of kinks, fetishes, power exchanges, roles, and sensations in their own way.
What are the benefits of trying bondage in the bedroom?
Everyone is different, and there are many reasons by being tied up or tying somebody up can add erotic excitement, connection, and arousal during sex. Some of them are mental, some are physical, and many are a bit of both.
For many it's about the power exchange - enjoying the feeling of taking or surrendering control.
For many it's about the sensations - being able to feel the silk, rope, or metal against their skin and the arousal that comes from being able to pull/tense against it.
For many it helps them get out of their head and into their body and feel more - this is especially true of blindfold play and sensory deprivation.
Because it requires a lot of trust, consent, and communication, activities such as bondage can also be incredible for building deep connection.
What is a bondage kink?
People who enjoy bondage might say they have a 'bondage kink' - meaning that bondage for them adds erotic excitement.
What is Shibari?
Shibari is traditionally a Japanese art form that involves using ropes to tie individuals, often in an erotic or sensual context.
Shibari has roots in ancient Japanese practices like Hojo-jutsu, which involved restraining captives, and has evolved into a form of art and erotic expression known as Kinbaku.
Often people who enjoy being tied up call themselves 'bunnies' and people who enjoy tying up other people call themselves 'riggers'. Shibari is a form of bondage where the "rigger" (the person tying) and the "bunny" (the person being tied) explore the physical and emotional effects of restraint and release.
Is bondage safe?
It is possible to do bondage in a way that is totally safe, but it requires a lot of education and communication.
Never try bondage without good education from a BDSM educator like myself!
Rope, bondage and shibari can actually be some of the most dangerous forms of BDSM, as uneducated players can accidently cause serious and irreversible nerve damage when tying the wrong parts of the body or leaving people restricted for too long.
I am curious about bondage,..where do I start?
Educate yourself
Before tying your first knot or putting on a pair of hand cuffs, take the time to educate yourself! Bondage isn’t just about learning the ropes—it’s about learning about the body, anatomy, safety, vulnerability, communication, and trust.
Learning how to do bondage safely should be your number 1 concern.
For example:
Always have sharp scissors on hand, and make sure every knot or buckle can be undone quickly and safely should you need to.
Never leave somebody tied up, or restrict blood flow for extended periods of time.
Never tie tightly over nerve sensitive areas such as the upper arms, as this can cause nerve damage.
Always have a safe word
My silk satin ties are a great introductory product that are safe, comfortable, and feel beautiful on the skin.
Explore sex positive resources like books, podcasts and special bondage courses like Shibari Study - never try Shibari without proper education. It's not just about learning the knots - it's about learning the risks and how to keep both the rigger and the bunny safe.
Many cities have workshops and events designed to help people learn - for example Shibari Sydney in Sydney!
For more tailored support, book in a session me!
Consent and communication is key
Always communicate with your partner and ensure you both have enthusiastic consent before trying something new. Talk openly with your partner about what you're curious to try, your hard limits (things you never want to do), and your soft limits (things you might be open to).
When talking about your sexual fantasies, focus on what excites you and help your partner understand what you enjoy. Instead of vague requests like “I want you to dominate me,” give specific examples of what would be fun, like “I’d love it if you tied my hands above my head” Make sure you ask about their sexual fantasies as well!
Use safe words/signals and check ins
Safe words are a way to let your partner know that you want to stop or slow down what they’re doing and check in with you.
Common safe words:
“Green” = Fun/ Keep going
“Yellow” = Unsure/ Slow down
“Red” = Stop immediately
Non-verbal signals are also important when verbal communication is difficult, like when someone is gagged.
Some ideas for non-verbal signals:
Hand squeezing
A double tap
Snapping fingers
Check-ins can be simple but powerful moments to check if your partner is doing okay and make sure they feel comfortable and secure.
Aftercare
Aftercare is a way to help each other meet your physical and emotional needs after sex. It’s not uncommon to experience an emotional ‘drop’ or release during bondage or BDSM. For some people it can bring up unexpected feelings.
Some ideas for aftercare:
Cuddling
Reassurance and kind words
Water, snacks, or a blanket
Take a shower together
Everyone’s aftercare needs are different, so ask what your partner needs and communicate your own as well.
Debrief
If you don’t already, try to get into the habit of talking about what you liked or what you’d like to explore next time! Taking a few minutes to check in can help you understand each other’s desires and make your experience more fulfilling.
You can ask questions like:
What was your favourite moment?
Is there something you’d like to try differently next time?
What worked for you?
Embrace the awkwardness
Trying something new can feel awkward at first. Ties might come undone, you could get tangled up, or someone might even laugh. That’s completely normal! Give yourselves time to settle into your roles and enjoy the process as you learn.
What are some ideas for introducing bondage?
Use your voice
Try taking the lead during sex by giving assertive commands and making eye contact. Using your voice can be incredibly arousing—whether you're giving commands, setting boundaries, or expressing your desires. Even simple directions can feel thrilling and spark a playful shift in power.
Try phrases like:
“Hold still for me”
“Hands behind your back”
“Turn over”
“Look at me”
“Do exactly what I say”
Gentle bondage
If you’re new to bondage try some gentle forms of restraint and reflect on how that felt for you and your partner. Try ask your partner to hold their hands above their head or hold them down yourself.
Try a blindfold
Removing sight heightens all other senses and adds a layer of mystery. It’s about building anticipation and playing with the experience of control and surrender in an exciting way. A simple blindfold—like a sleep mask or satin blindfold —can transform a kiss or touch into something electric. It’s also a great way to introduce trust into play. When one partner can’t see, they rely on the other to guide the experience.
Check out 'Blind Sensation Play' in Pillow Play to explore using a blindfold and sensation play! My satin blindfolds are also perfect for those wanting to try new things and introduce light bondage and/or sensory play into the bedroom.
Explore sensory deprivation
If you want to take things further, try introducing other sensory deprivation tools. These tools intensify physical sensations and enhance the feeling of surrender but always make sure there is clear communication and consent!
Some things to try:
Over ear noise cancelling headphones
A gag – e.g. soft fabric or a ball-gag
A hood
Hand restraints
Hand restraints are a great next step if you’re looking to explore even more. You can position restraints in front, above the head, or even secure them to furniture like a headboard. Always keep safety in mind: avoid tying too tightly to ensure proper blood flow, and keep safety scissors nearby.
Some hand restraints to try:
Leather cuffs
Handcuffs
Satin ties
My satin ties can also be used for hand and ankle restraints. They're perfect for beginners for beginners, providing a gentle, more sensual alternative to handcuffs or rope.
Other bondage tools
Expand your play with other bondage tools! These add new dimensions to your experience, unlocking creative positions and opening the door to a deeper exploration of submission and dominance.
Here are some other tools to explore:
Bondage rope
Spreaders bars
Collars and leashes
Bed restraints
Introduce impact play
Floggers, paddles, and spanking are natural complements to bondage play. They add a new layer of sensation, anticipation, and a deeper connection to the dominant/submissive dynamic. Just make sure to use safe words or the traffic light system to keep communication clear and ensure everyone feels safe and respected.
For beginners:
Start with hands or soft paddles
Use a 1–10 scale to rate intensity
Test toys on yourself first
Don’t forget aftercare! It’s just as important as the play itself. Check in, cuddle, and take time to soothe each other afterward.
Explore power exchange/play
Power exchange, or power play, is all about stepping into either a dominant or submissive role. It’s a psychological, emotional, and incredibly erotic experience—especially when built on clear communication, mutual respect, and enthusiastic consent.
To explore power exchange, ask each other:
Who likes to take control?
Who loves to surrender?
What words feel good? - e.g. Sir, Mistress, pet, etc.
If you're into power dynamics, you'll love my Pillow Play game ‘Artist and Muse’. It’s a fun, kinky way to explore power play while building body confidence.
Exploring bondage as a beginner can be an exciting and empowering experience, but it’s all about taking things at your own pace. Start slow, communicate openly with your partner, and prioritise safety and consent.
Whether you’re experimenting with simple restraints or diving into more intense power play, the key is to have fun, trust each other, and enjoy the journey of discovery together!
Best,
Alice x
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.
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