What Is Somatic Sexology and How Can It Help Your Sex Life?
- MC
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Reviewed by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains the basics of somatics in relation to human sexuality, and gives some simple tips and exercises to try at home.
This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored support, please book in a session.
Somatic awareness brings us out of our heads and into our bodies, helping us stay present and fully experience pleasure and intimacy.
Today, we live in a time where many of us are stuck in our mental world, instead of listening to our bodies. There is a disconnect between what our body is experiencing and our ability to notice, listen, and pay attention. Over time, we can lose the ability to ‘check-in’ with our bodies, and may not have the words to describe what we’re noticing (or not noticing).
It’s one of the main reasons many people struggle to stay ‘in the moment’ during sex. They might find their thoughts wandering, thinking about something else entirely. They might get caught up worrying about how they’re performing, what they look like, what their partner is thinking, or whether they’ll be able to reach orgasm, stay hard, or build arousal.
Sound familiar?
Somatic awareness helps people bring their attention back into their body and stay present. This has an incredible impact on sex, intimacy, and our ability to feel pleasure.
What is Somatics?
Somatics is any practice that develops and strengthens the mind-body connection. Somatic practices teach you how to mindfully scan and listen to your body, survey your internal self, and pick up signals that your body is sending. These signals could be areas of pain, anxiety, numbness, emotional dysregulation, discomfort, pleasure, arousal, imbalance or blockages.
Everyone feels and interprets these ‘signals’ differently, but they can be felt as tension, tightness, vibrations, heat, tingles, shivers, emotions, feelings, colours, visualisations or even memories.
What is Somatic Sexology?
Somatic Sexology takes somatic practices and adapts them to teach people how to have better sex. Some common sexual concerns that benefit from somatic awareness are:
Premature ejaculation
Difficulty orgasming or difficulty feeling pleasure
Low libido and low desire for sex
Low sexual confidence or body image
Sexual Shame and/or Sexual anxiety
Numbness or low sensation
Similarly, many people rely on their brain to turn them on, through internal fantasies or porn. Although these are useful erotic tools, if we become overly reliant on them, we risk losing the ability to rely on the sensations in our bodies to build our arousal. These people may feel ‘desensitised’, and find it hard to stay present with the sensations or connection they’re experiencing in the present moment without the addition of porn or fantasy.
As a Somatic Sexologist, I help people get out of their head and into their bodies.
What can we learn from our bodies?
Our bodies are not separate entities from our minds, and they are so much more than a collection of body parts and organs designed to ‘obey’ and carry out the desires of the brain. They carry wisdom, intuition, emotion, and our personal history.
Just like stress can show up physically in different parts of the body—like a tight chest or a knot in the stomach—we also carry emotions and experiences in the way we feel and express ourselves through our bodies. This can be particularly powerful for people who have experienced sexual, physical or emotional trauma.
Somatic practices teach you to recognise the ways your body holds on to past experiences. With this knowledge, we can mindfully create new pathways using somatic awareness and embodiment practices.
How can I try somatics at home?
Somatic practices, like any ongoing practice with the mind or body, take time and repetition. Just like a single session of meditation, yoga, physio, or martial arts won’t lead to ongoing change, somatic practices also take time and regular practice to become familiar.
Here are some simple practices I teach my clients to help them get out of their heads and into their bodies:
Daily Pleasure Practice
Each day, do something that brings your body pleasure.
Sit still, close your eyes, and deepen your breath
Ask yourself: "What would bring my body pleasure today?"
This could be anything! Some ideas:
Stretching
Moving your body or exercise
A bubble bath
Barefoot walk
Getting out into the sunshine
A massage
Moisturising your body
A delicious meal
Carve out the time, and do it!
Ask yourself before, during and after - what am I noticing in my body?
For more daily pleasure practice ideas, download my worksheet 30 days of pleasure
Pleasure-Based Body Scan
Get comfortable, close your eyes, and place both hands on your body.
You can light some candles or put on some gentle music.
Lengthen and deepen your breath.
Focus your awareness on your breath and notice the rise and fall of your chest. Sit here for as long as you like.
Ask yourself: "Where am I experiencing pleasure?"
Take a moment to scan your body for feelings of pleasure. They might be subtle, like the warmth of your hands on your body. Without judgement, just sit with the sensations you are noticing as you scan your body.
Focus your awareness on one area of pleasure in your body.
Be curious about this pleasurable sensation - how does it feel? How would you describe it? If it had a colour, a temperature, or a movement, what would it be?
Ask yourself: "Where do I want to feel pleasure in my body?”
Can you bring your awareness to that body part, and be curious about what you notice there? Is it numb, sleepy, sore, uncomfortable, arousing, exciting? Whatever it is, just notice without judgment.
Think to yourself: "If you were to receive some form of touch to this part of your body, what sort of touch might it want?"
How might you ask for it? What words would you use to describe the touch you are craving?
Finally, scan your whole body.
What are you noticing now? Has anything changed?
5 Senses Body Scan
Get comfortable, close your eyes, and place both hands on your body.
You can light some candles or put on some gentle music.
Lengthen and deepen your breath.
Focus your awareness on your breath and notice the rise and fall of your chest. Sit here for as long as you like.
Ask yourself: "What can I see that brings me pleasure?"
Scan your surroundings with a soft gaze. Notice a few things around you that are pleasing to the eye. How do they make you feel? What emotions, feelings or sensations do you experience when you notice them? What might you surround yourself with to make this even more pleasurable for you next time you do this exercise? Take a deep breath, feeling a sense of gravity and grounding.
Ask yourself: "What can I smell that brings me pleasure?"
Take a gentle inhale. What do you notice? How do the scents around you make you feel? What emotions, feelings or sensations do you experience when you notice them? What scents might feel even more pleasurable for you next time you do this? Take another deep breath.
Ask yourself: "What can I taste that brings me pleasure?"
Gently feel your lips and mouth with your tongue. What do you notice? How does the taste in your mouth make you feel? What emotions, feelings or sensations do you experience when you notice them? What taste might feel even more pleasurable for you next time you do this? Take a final deep breath.
For personalised guidance in reconnecting with your body and pleasure, book in a session with me.
Best,
Alice x
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.
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